Tag: Christian

A lesson on Grief.

 

 

Grief is the strangest thing.
It comes and it goes with no rhyme or reason.

For those of you who don’t know, my precious grandmother passed away on July 30th. She was almost ninety-five years-old.
I knew it was coming…eventually.
I knew she hadn’t been feeling well.
But somehow, I was blindsided.

It’s so crazy how someone who is so vibrant and full of life can just be gone.
Ceases to exist.

I don’t even know how I’m doing.
I’m functioning normally.
I think I am happy.
Some days, I think I am totally rocking this.
Other days, the void feels less like a leap and more like a canyon.

I try to look at the situation from a cognitive approach.
She was ninety-five.
She lived a long time.
She was ready to go.
Every one dies.

Some days that works.
Other days, my soul is so unsettled.
I have dreamt of her every single night since she passed away.
My daughter, talks about her every day.
She surrounds me in my home.
Her china is in my cabinet.
Her vases are in my kitchen.
I am wrapped in her favorite blanket every night.

Most of the time her things bring me comfort.
Other times, they bring me pain.

That song, five more minutes.
It is a song always on my lips.
What I wouldn’t give for just five more minutes.

My grandma was  not an average grandma.
I didn’t just see her on holidays and special occasions.
She was my best friend.
When Trey and I were first married and moved to KC, grandma would come and stay for weekends or even weeks at a time.
We would stay up until 12 or 1 in the morning cuddled on the couch under a blanket watching movies.
When Rock Band was the cool game on the wii, she and I would play together.
Her singing and me playing the guitar.

I talked to her multiple times a week on the phone.
I looked forward to seeing her on weekends when we would go home.
I named my daughter after her.
She watched me every day when I was little.
My cousin and I have a lifetime of memories from spending our childhood at that red house on Z highway.

I just wish I had five minutes to tell her how much I miss her.
I would tell her how my heart aches to hear her laugh.
I would tell her that Chloe talks about her every. single. day.
I would tell her Chloe carries around jewels that she calls her Gramma, Jewell.
I would tell her how Chloe talks about grandma and Jesus.
I would tell her that no place here is safe.
…I see her at Nebraska Furniture Mart..we frequented it when she came to visit.
…I see her at our old apartment watching movies with us.
…I see her Chili’s eating ribs that she declared were the best ones she had ever had.
…I see her at Garmin visiting Trey.
…I see her at the hospital I delivered each baby.
…I see her in every red sparkly thing.
…I see her at UMKC, she was at both of my graduations. She was my biggest fan.
…I see her in our Church…the one she loved to visit.
…I see her in every flower.
…I see her on 151st Street at the exact stoplight I was stopped at when she said, “Courty, you are such a good little momma.”
…I see her when I watch Andy Griffith, or Mama’s Family, or Full- House, or her beloved Larry the Cable Guy.
…I hear her voice singing I’ll Fly Away, Amazing Grace, or Beulah Land.

I now cannot bear to listen to the last voice mail she left me because it encompasses me in a wave of grief.
I am dreading Thanksgiving.
I want to skip Christmas.
I can’t even bear to think about what her last Thanksgiving and Christmas were like. Those memories haunt me.
Why didn’t I cherish each last memory?
Why couldn’t I just “know” it was the last?

Why does this have to hurt so  bad?
Why has it ONLY been three months?
Why do I have to wait a lifetime to see her face again?
Why will I eventually be alive longer without her than I was with her?

Grief, I HATE you.

If you’re grieving, know there are others right there with you.
If you aren’t grieving, be there for someone who is.

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date.
It doesn’t go away.
I hear it lessens.  I hope I can attest to it one day.

Don’t say, “God really needed them in Heaven.”
“They are in a better place.”
“She wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
“Cheer up! It will be ok.”
“You’ll see her again one day.”

While I believe all of those things, they dismiss the pain I am in.
I know she is in a better place.
I know she has been rewarded for the work she put in here.
I know she is rejoicing.
I know she would’nt come back.

But, I WANT HER.
I MISS HER.
My heart ACHES.
My momma is sad.
My dad is sad.
My sisters are sad.
My kids are missing out.
My nephew will never know her.
It SUCKS. IT ISN’T FAIR. I DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT HER.

I’m happy for her.
But I am so sad for ME.

I know, God comforts the broken-hearted.
I feel His presence.
I have hope I will be reunited with her.
As a Christian, I know those things.
But I still live in this broken world.
My heart will continue to be broken regardless of how close I walk with the Lord.

Instead, say, “This sucks. I’m so sorry you are hurting.”
“Grief is awful.”
“What a profound loss you must be feeling.”
“I know your heart is aching. I know that feeling.”
“Tell me about them.”
“What is the funniest memory you have?”
“What is one memory you’ve had since they passed you wish they could
seen?”

News flash. Bringing them up will not remind the person they have died.
They know. They haven’t forgotten.
Talking about that person is the only way to keep them alive.
So talk about them.
Listen to the stories.
Be there to just sit in the ugly and the brokenness.
Everyone experiences grief.
Everyone.

Feel it.
Experience it.
Don’t push it away.
Don’t hurry it.
Honor it.
Understand that changing the subject, avoiding it, and pretending it didn’t happen only make the hurt worse.
Grief is there whether we acknowledge it or  not.
The only way to lessen the sting is to walk through it.

Be a friend to someone.
Especially in this season.
This is someone’s first Holiday Season without their precious loved one.
It also might be someone’s 45th Holiday Season without their precious loved one.
While it gets less intense, I guarantee the loved ones still ache for them.
Talk about them.
Let them know that their loved one had an impact on your life and that you also miss them.

Don’t dismiss someone’s loss with flippant “Christian phrases”.
Just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean that we are sheltered from the cruelty of this world.
We aren’t.
Treat someone the way you would want them to treat you if you were in the ocean that is grief.

Love one another.

 

 

 

“Change your thoughts and you will change your world”

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In the past month I have changed. I started BeachBody because I needed something new. I needed something to call “my own”. Being a stay-at-home mom was awesome but I needed something to call mine besides my child. I know that a lot of you mommas can relate. I can tell you that I haven’t made millions yet…or even thousands…but what I have taken away from this business is PRICELESS.

“Change your thoughts and you will change your world” I don’t know who said that but it is GENIUS. I have always called myself a “realist” which is really just a fancy word for negative. I have gone through life thinking that I would be “lucky” to  get this job or get that job. I would be “lucky” if this happened for me or if that happened for me. I was SO concerned with everyone else. FACEBOOK was my downfall. I was so concerned with why this person had that…why did that person have that. “Trey did you see this?” “Why don’t we have that” “We deserve that” “We work hard” YUCK! I was concerned with what everyone thought of us…of me. Why don’t they respect me? Why don’t they follow our rules when it comes to our child? Why do they dislike me? What did I do? Why can’t we have this amazing relationship? I mean it was ugly and a ridiculous way to live. When I started with this company on June 26, 2014 my life CHANGED.

I began to understand that it does not matter what others think of me. It matters what God thinks of me. He has given me SO much and what have I done with it? A whole bunch of NOTHING! At the end of my life, what will he say? Probably something like: “you missed it! I gave you this opportunity, I gave you this talent, you had everything you needed, but you were too concerned with everyone else” Ouch!

What do I KNOW about myself? I know that I am a good person. I am a great friend. I am compassionate. I am the most loyal person you will EVER meet. I am driven. I am passionate.I genuinely want to please God. That is my goal above all goals. I want to end my life and have used every talent and ability I have been given. I want to say to God…”I have NOTHING left”. What is great about you? What do you have to offer the world. God put something in you that is unique. He has a plan for YOU.  What is it? What is God going to say to you at the end of your life?

My dad. You know him. And…I hope to have a legacy like he does. But guess what…God isn’t going to say “well done” to me because I have a great father.  An example of one of my favorite things about my dad is he sends cards to people like crazy. Seriously! He remembers dates and events. He sends birthday cards, sympathy cards, he remembers dates when people have lost loved ones. People are BLESSED by that. He gives like it’s going out of style. He DOES for people. I told my husband one day, that I want to be like my dad but I can’t be like him until I start DOING and operating with what God has given me. I want to leave a legacy….what is it? I am 26 years old it’s time to start making one.

How do you begin to discover your talents and abilities? How do you tap into your calling? You have to stop thinking the way you are thinking! Stop with the negative thoughts. Those are from Satan and they will get you NOWHERE. Stop concerning yourself with everyone else. They don’t affect your life. Worry about YOURSELF! What are you good at? How can you bless others? What has God given YOU? What are you THINKING? What are you telling yourself?

The Bible teaches us that our words are POWERFUL. They will RETURN to you. Isaiah 55:11 says: “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Speak positive things to yourself daily. Stop complaining. If there is a negative thought creeping in your head…dismiss it. Don’t dwell on it. The Bible tells us that we should only think about good things. Philippians 4:8 says:” And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Why is that important? Because our thoughts become our words and our words become our actions or our inaction. You might say: “I can’t help what I think” You can’t help what pops into your head..but you CAN DECIDE whether you entertain the thought. If something negative or hateful comes into your mind, instead of thinking about it, CHANGE your thinking. Think about something positive instead. Try it! It will change your world. It changed mine. Do I wake up sometimes with negative thoughts? Yes. Do I have bad days? Yes. Do I have to change my thinking daily? Yes. What puts you in a good mood? Do THAT thing when you are having an off day. Go for a run, do a craft, get on pinterest, dream, play with you kid…do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you need motivation, read a motivating book, listen to a podcast, read your BIble. Surround yourself with positive people and positive things. When you do that…everything changes. I promise! 

I’ll leave you with a quote by the amazing Zig Ziglar “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend in daily”

BE POSITIVE. BE A BLESSING. USE WHAT GOD GAVE YOU! And…worry about YOURSELF!


{Who do you want to be?}

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    I don’t know if it is my age, or if it is my stage in life. Lately, I feel enlightened or…awakened. All that is on my mind lately is self-improvement. Do you ever feel like we spend so much time and energy on the outside that we often neglect the inside? I do. I told my dad not long ago that I wished there was a “gym” for my soul. I know…church is that “gym”. However, I need a more regular gym than every Sunday, occasional Wednesday, and life group. My soul needs a “workout” daily because it gets fat, lazy, weak, and just plain ugly very quickly. That leads me to the question: who do you want to be? Do you have a picture of her in your head? I do.


Who is she? She is made of the best qualities of those closest to me and of those that I admire from afar.


My grandmother is someone I would love to end up like. She has all of the qualities I wish to possess. My most favorite is her kindness. She is even “naively” kind. She is kind to those that are not kind to her. She loves those that don’t love her. And…she isn’t kind because she feels like she needs to be. She isn’t kind because she is striving to be a better person (like me) she just is.


I want to be confident even when I don’t feel confident. if you know me, you know that I have a hard time hiding my feelings. If I feel intimidated, I look intimidated. I am learning that confidence doesn’t mean that you are arrogant. Confidence means that you are comfortable in your own skin. Oh, to be comfortable in this skin….


I want to be humble. I LOVE that quality. There is something so very attractive about a humble person. I think one of the ugliest qualities, if not the ugliest, is arrogance. I actually hate it. That quality is why I didn’t want to have a blog. I don’t ever want to give off the impression that I think I am better…because I am not. I could write a whole blog on the things that are wrong with me (stay tuned I’m sure it will appear one of these days!) Confidence and humility go hand in hand, oddly enough. One of these days I will figure that one out!
I want to be generous and helpful. I want to be generous and helpful in every month (not just December). I want to spend time helping those in need. One of my most favorite quotes in the Bible is Matthew 25:40 The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ I really believe that a lot of us are just one pay check, one lost job, one accident, one sickness away from being “the least of these”. So many people, maybe you, helped my family when my mom was sick. Some sent money to help pay bills, some made food, some visited us in the hospital, some helped take care of my sister and I. There are too many things to even list. Let me take the time to say thank you. Thank you for showing us the love of Jesus. Thank you for being so kind and generous. Thank you for caring about us. I don’t know how we would have made it through without the help, support, and prayers of our community. The point? I want to be one of those people.


Have you ever been around someone who just made you feel better about yourself? After talking to them you felt genuinely happy and encouraged. Like when you are talking to them, you feel as though you are the most important person in the world. I have. I have met quite a few of those people. I want to be one of those people. I want to be the type of person that others are genuinely happy to see.


Of course this is not an exhaustive list of all of the qualities I wish to possess. And… you don’t have time to read them all. How do I become that person? The only answer I have, is to display those qualities, even when I don’t feel them. Then, maybe I will transform into “her” one of these days. Who do you want to be? what does “she” look like? I think the world would be a better place if we all spent more time worrying about the size of our heart instead of the size of our jeans.

– Court