God – Hot Mess Mom

“Change your thoughts and you will change your world”

In the past month I have changed. I started BeachBody because I needed something new. I needed something to call “my own”. Being a stay-at-home mom was awesome but I needed something to call mine besides my child. I know that a lot of you mommas can relate. I can tell you that I haven’t made millions yet…or even thousands…but what I have taken away from this business is PRICELESS.

“Change your thoughts and you will change your world” I don’t know who said that but it is GENIUS. I have always called myself a “realist” which is really just a fancy word for negative. I have gone through life thinking that I would be “lucky” to get this job or get that job. I would be “lucky” if this happened for me or if that happened for me. I was SO concerned with everyone else. FACEBOOK was my downfall. I was so concerned with why this person had that…why did that person have that. “Trey did you see this?” “Why don’t we have that” “We deserve that” “We work hard” YUCK! I was concerned with what everyone thought of us…of me. Why don’t they respect me? Why don’t they follow our rules when it comes to our child? Why do they dislike me? What did I do? Why can’t we have this amazing relationship? I mean it was ugly and a ridiculous way to live. When I started with this company on June 26, 2014 my life CHANGED.

I began to understand that it does not matter what others think of me. It matters what God thinks of me. He has given me SO much and what have I done with it? A whole bunch of NOTHING! At the end of my life, what will he say? Probably something like: “you missed it! I gave you this opportunity, I gave you this talent, you had everything you needed, but you were too concerned with everyone else” Ouch!

What do I KNOW about myself? I know that I am a good person. I am a great friend. I am compassionate. I am the most loyal person you will EVER meet. I am driven. I am passionate.I genuinely want to please God. That is my goal above all goals. I want to end my life and have used every talent and ability I have been given. I want to say to God…”I have NOTHING left”. What is great about you? What do you have to offer the world. God put something in you that is unique. He has a plan for YOU. What is it? What is God going to say to you at the end of your life?

My dad. You know him. And…I hope to have a legacy like he does. But guess what…God isn’t going to say “well done” to me because I have a great father. An example of one of my favorite things about my dad is he sends cards to people like crazy. Seriously! He remembers dates and events. He sends birthday cards, sympathy cards, he remembers dates when people have lost loved ones. People are BLESSED by that. He gives like it’s going out of style. He DOES for people. I told my husband one day, that I want to be like my dad but I can’t be like him until I start DOING and operating with what God has given me. I want to leave a legacy….what is it? I am 26 years old it’s time to start making one.

How do you begin to discover your talents and abilities? How do you tap into your calling? You have to stop thinking the way you are thinking! Stop with the negative thoughts. Those are from Satan and they will get you NOWHERE. Stop concerning yourself with everyone else. They don’t affect your life. Worry about YOURSELF! What are you good at? How can you bless others? What has God given YOU? What are you THINKING? What are you telling yourself?

The Bible teaches us that our words are POWERFUL. They will RETURN to you. Isaiah 55:11 says: “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Speak positive things to yourself daily. Stop complaining. If there is a negative thought creeping in your head…dismiss it. Don’t dwell on it. The Bible tells us that we should only think about good things. Philippians 4:8 says:” And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Why is that important? Because our thoughts become our words and our words become our actions or our inaction. You might say: “I can’t help what I think” You can’t help what pops into your head..but you CAN DECIDE whether you entertain the thought. If something negative or hateful comes into your mind, instead of thinking about it, CHANGE your thinking. Think about something positive instead. Try it! It will change your world. It changed mine. Do I wake up sometimes with negative thoughts? Yes. Do I have bad days? Yes. Do I have to change my thinking daily? Yes. What puts you in a good mood? Do THAT thing when you are having an off day. Go for a run, do a craft, get on pinterest, dream, play with you kid…do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you need motivation, read a motivating book, listen to a podcast, read your BIble. Surround yourself with positive people and positive things. When you do that…everything changes. I promise!

I’ll leave you with a quote by the amazing Zig Ziglar “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend in daily”

BE POSITIVE. BE A BLESSING. USE WHAT GOD GAVE YOU! And…worry about YOURSELF!

{I’m a fan}

Last night we started our new study in life-group called “Not a Fan”. The premise of the study is: are you a fan or a follower? First, you have to define a fan and a follower to determine which category you fall into. Webster defines a follower as: “one that follows the opinions and teachings of another”. Another definition from Webster is: “one that imitates another”. The definition of a “fan” as Webster defines is “an enthusiastic devotee usually as a spectator. It is also defined as an “ardent admirer or enthusiast.”

This was such an eye-opening hit to the ego. If I am being honest, completely totally honest, I am a fan. I don’t follow every teaching of Jesus. I follow his teachings when they fit into my day, life, or situation. I follow him when it’s easy for me. As for the second definition…I definitely don’t imitate Jesus. Is being a “fan” enough to get me to Heaven? Maybe… but then there’s also a chance that Revelation 3:16 may just apply to me. It says: “So, because you are lukewarm neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” That is nothing short of terrifying. I could live my entire life going to church, applying the Bible to some parts of my life, praying when I need something, before meals, at church, and at night and still God could say to me at the end of my life “Depart from me I never knew you”. Matthew 7:21-23

So, what does it mean to be a follower. I think a follower, a true follower, is someone who earnestly follows Jesus and his teachings at all times. Not just when they feel like it. The bottom line is that if I want to follow Jesus, if I want to honestly know him, I have to die to myself and this world…daily. I have to take up my cross and follow him Matthew 16:24. He commands us to love him with all of our heart, our mind, our strength, and our soul. He also commands us to love our neighbor as our self. He commands us to do that. Nowhere does it say: “when you are feeling good and things are going your way love me with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength. It doesn’t say: “love your neighbor as yourself when they are treating you well”. Oh, I wish it said those things. Because then…I would be categorized as a “follower”.

I was listening to the amazing T.D. Jakes this morning. He was preaching on love and God’s commandment of love. He commands us to love. Bishop Jakes illustrated that God wouldn’t command us to do something if we didn’t have the ability. He wouldn’t command us to transform into an animal, for example, because we don’t have that ability. But, since he did command us to love him and our neighbor, we must possess that ability. Which means that our excuses for not doing that don’t hold up. That’s some more bad news.

Not only should we do these things, we must to do these things, if we truly want to be a follower of Jesus. Those are some difficult commands.

To me, all of this means that I have to search God’s word and learn all that I can about Jesus. I have to understand his teachings and let them make an imprint on my heart. It means, that I have to learn to control my mind. It means that I have to fight my flesh daily. I have to bite my tongue, give up on winning every argument, I have to stop being lazy and complacent, I have to turn the other cheek, I have to love God more than I love myself and fight all of my earthly desires. I have to die to myself daily.

It’s a tall order for sure. But I am certain that it is more than worth it. So this is day one on my quest to become a true follower of Jesus.

– Court

{I’ve come to worship}

I’m gonna lift my hands
til I can reach heaven
I’m gonna shout your name
til the walls come falling down
Ive come to worship
Ive come to worship

That song spoke to me this weekend. We serve this BIG God. The God who created everything. The only thing we need to do to be in his presence is to worship.

Since I started going to a new church (7 years ago) I stopped worshiping like I used to. I used to LOVE Praise & Worship. I loved just being in His presence. I loved that I didn’t have to pray about anything, or ask for anything, or really do anything, but praise him. I loved just feeling Him all around me. It really is the greatest feeling in all the world. Then, when we moved to a bigger…a much bigger church, full of new people, new songs, and unfamiliar territory, I stopped. I became a spectator to praise and worship. I sang the songs and watched others worship. I would close my eyes sometimes but that was as far as I was willing to go. I was more concerned with what everyone else was thinking of me, than I was about what God was thinking of me. The one person I was most concerned about was my husband. Why I was so concerned with what he thought I have no clue. He has told me time and again how beautiful it is to him to see me worshiping. I think that it was hard for me because he and I worship differently. He doesn’t raise his hands and I do (did). So, I started trying to worship like him, but instead of worshiping like him, I wasn’t worshiping at all. Not worshiping is dangerous. It is dangerous because when we stop worshiping we start starving our soul.

I have recently started to dive into the word. This has been a constant struggle for me. While I have gotten so much closer to God in that way, and in my prayer life, I have neglected worshiping him. He laid that on my heart last Wednesday. While it is necessary to read the word, and to pray, it is also a necessity to worship. Reading the word feeds your mind, while praying and worshiping feed your soul. I was neglecting the soul part.

On Wednesday night, I stopped caring. I stopped caring what the person behind me was thinking, or what the person in front of me was thinking, I even stopped caring what the man beside me was thinking. All I was concerned about was what God was thinking of me. Truth be told, I doubt that any of those people were even thinking of me. I once heard Dr. Phil say: “you would stop worrying about what people think of you if you realized how little they actually do”. Wait! People don’t think about me?! No, no they don’t. That stings a bit doesn’t it? ha! So, those people at church weren’t looking at me thinking about me raising my hands? Nope! They were worshiping God. They weren’t worried about what I was doing. So all of that time (seven years) I was neglecting praising my Savior for nothing.

I dove in. I worshiped with all that I had. And it was one of the very greatest nights I have had in so long. I really love the verse “I’m gonna lift my hands til I can reach Heaven, I’m gonna shout your name till the walls come falling down”. We reach Heaven with our praise. When we praise God, all of that stuff that builds day after day between us and God, disappears. Then, it’s just us. Nothing else. What peace.

So if you are like me, and you worry a lot about what others think. Stop! Because they probably aren’t thinking about you. And…even if they are, who cares? Worry more about what God thinks. He’s the only one that really knows you. And…His opinion is really the only one that matters. So, “Sing your song like you are unashamed, sing for joy at the mention of his name”.

– Court

{Straight from my heart}

This one has been a long time coming. This blog has been torn straight from my heart…straight from my soul. I love to write and I write about semi-personal things. However, I have had this story on my heart since the day I started this blog. Now, now is the time.

As many of you may know our family has been through some rocky times. When I was in eighth grade my mom started getting sick. She and my dad visited the Mayo Clinic multiple times to figure out what was wrong with no luck. After numerous hospital visits, tests, possible diagnoses, and doctors she was diagnosed with something called NASH (non-alcoholic steato hepatitis). Which basically meant her liver was failing and for no apparent reason. She had none of the characteristics that a person typically diagnosed with this has. She had to stop teaching and was basically confined to our house and bed my whole high school career.

She suffered. We suffered. It was the single hardest thing I have ever faced. There were many times I questioned why my mom? Why us? What did we do? We had always went to church. We had always believed and trusted in God. So…why was this happening? My parents did a pretty good job of keeping my little sister and I sheltered from the worst of it. But sometimes, we peeked through the cracks and we saw the worst. In those times of weakness, sadness, worry, doubt, and death, HE was there.

He was there every time I saw my dad open his Bible to read. He was there in my Aunt’s unwavering faith. He was there when my mom and aunt habitually took the Lord’s supper. He was there in the form of a man that would end up being my husband. He was there in my grandmother’s prayers and my sisters’ tears. He was there in my mom’s strength. He was there when bills were paid. He was there in each meal or card we received. I remember finding verses on healing in the Bible and posting them all over our house. On the doors, in my mom’s room and her bathroom…everywhere. I would declare and pray the verses aloud every time I saw them. He was very much there.

She spent many many nights in the hospital. She was on a list to receive a transplant. She was called once around Christmas. However, she was too sick to undergo the transplant. We kept praying and believing…even when it looked impossible.

This picture is from Hoop Queen the January before she received her transplant. She had just had a liver biopsy (if I remember correctly) and was sent home with a pain patch. JUST so she could watch my sister and I walk for Hoop Queen. She was in so much pain. She was so strong.

If my mom ever reads this I will be in SO much trouble for sharing this picture. She hates it. So do I. It tears at my heart each time I see it. Our storm…her storm looked impossible that night. I was afraid I was losing my mom and I was afraid I was losing her quickly.Fast forward to May and we got THE CALL. The one that meant she would be saved. This hell was over. We packed up and left in the middle of the night to drive to St. Louis. I still remember stopping at the gas station with Trey, Shelley, and Ciara. I remember being so excited, nervous, scared, and thankful. I remember the song that played over the speakers outside the gas station “everything is going to be alright…rock a bye”. I felt like that was God calming my fears. We all thought it was our happily ever after.Fast forward a few hours. My mom has been prepped for surgery and is waiting to go in. We get a call. Its a NO GO. The liver from the donor is BAD. I cannot remember a time I have been more angry at God. I was so heartbroken. I remember thinking “really? Is this a joke to you? Do you think this is funny?” So back we went to the “normal” we knew. I remember her…she was so strong. She was so positive and HER faith was astonishing. Mine, mine was diminishing by the second.

Three months later we receive another call…at night (because for some reason these things don’t happen during the day). It was my dad’s birthday. I called my boyfriend (my hubs now) he was in Detroit interning at General Motors. He told me he would be on the first flight he could catch. I remember walking downstairs cautiously excited. My dad was in the living room getting things organized. I remember asking him “how do you know this is going to work? it will probably be bad again!” His reply, I will remember all my life…”Let’s pray”. Right there, in the middle of our living room, my little sister and I joined hands with my parents as my dad led us in the most powerful prayer I have ever heard. A few hours later…well a lot of hours later, my mom had a new liver.

The day my mom came home with her new liver. HIS grace is sufficient.

I told you all of that to tell you this. No matter what your storm is, God is BIGGER. I have been struggling with some things. I have been struggling with personal, little, everyday things. I haven’t been able to shake them,no matter what I do. Tonight at church we sang Cornerstone. The part that spoke to me is this:Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Savior’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of allAnd then he spoke to my heart. He asked me why I trusted him with my mom but I couldn’t trust him with my own personal struggles. Why do I keep picking up those struggles up seconds after laying them at his feet? Then I thought about the lyrics…Through the storm HE IS LORD.

He is the God who made the Universe. He is the God who hung the stars. He is the God who knew us before we were born. So, why can’t I trust this awesome God with something so small? Because, instead of letting go and letting God, I tried to control the problem. You see, with my mom, I had no control. I HAD to give it to him. With big things in my life I have no control. But with little things I think I have control. In my own arrogance I decide to help God.

God doesn’t need our help. Whatever you are going through…know that our God’s grace is sufficient. If he can hang stars and form the mountains and heal my mom, he can take care of whatever you are facing. Let go, and Let God.

My sweet Jesus healed my mom. I am SO thankful he did. Because without his perfect blood, I wouldn’t have these moments.

– Court

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{Who do you want to be?}

I don’t know if it is my age, or if it is my stage in life. Lately, I feel enlightened or…awakened. All that is on my mind lately is self-improvement. Do you ever feel like we spend so much time and energy on the outside that we often neglect the inside? I do. I told my dad not long ago that I wished there was a “gym” for my soul. I know…church is that “gym”. However, I need a more regular gym than every Sunday, occasional Wednesday, and life group. My soul needs a “workout” daily because it gets fat, lazy, weak, and just plain ugly very quickly. That leads me to the question: who do you want to be? Do you have a picture of her in your head? I do.

Who is she? She is made of the best qualities of those closest to me and of those that I admire from afar.

My grandmother is someone I would love to end up like. She has all of the qualities I wish to possess. My most favorite is her kindness. She is even “naively” kind. She is kind to those that are not kind to her. She loves those that don’t love her. And…she isn’t kind because she feels like she needs to be. She isn’t kind because she is striving to be a better person (like me) she just is.

I want to be confident even when I don’t feel confident. if you know me, you know that I have a hard time hiding my feelings. If I feel intimidated, I look intimidated. I am learning that confidence doesn’t mean that you are arrogant. Confidence means that you are comfortable in your own skin. Oh, to be comfortable in this skin….

I want to be humble. I LOVE that quality. There is something so very attractive about a humble person. I think one of the ugliest qualities, if not the ugliest, is arrogance. I actually hate it. That quality is why I didn’t want to have a blog. I don’t ever want to give off the impression that I think I am better…because I am not. I could write a whole blog on the things that are wrong with me (stay tuned I’m sure it will appear one of these days!) Confidence and humility go hand in hand, oddly enough. One of these days I will figure that one out!
I want to be generous and helpful. I want to be generous and helpful in every month (not just December). I want to spend time helping those in need. One of my most favorite quotes in the Bible is Matthew 25:40 The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ I really believe that a lot of us are just one pay check, one lost job, one accident, one sickness away from being “the least of these”. So many people, maybe you, helped my family when my mom was sick. Some sent money to help pay bills, some made food, some visited us in the hospital, some helped take care of my sister and I. There are too many things to even list. Let me take the time to say thank you. Thank you for showing us the love of Jesus. Thank you for being so kind and generous. Thank you for caring about us. I don’t know how we would have made it through without the help, support, and prayers of our community. The point? I want to be one of those people.

Have you ever been around someone who just made you feel better about yourself? After talking to them you felt genuinely happy and encouraged. Like when you are talking to them, you feel as though you are the most important person in the world. I have. I have met quite a few of those people. I want to be one of those people. I want to be the type of person that others are genuinely happy to see.

Of course this is not an exhaustive list of all of the qualities I wish to possess. And… you don’t have time to read them all. How do I become that person? The only answer I have, is to display those qualities, even when I don’t feel them. Then, maybe I will transform into “her” one of these days. Who do you want to be? what does “she” look like? I think the world would be a better place if we all spent more time worrying about the size of our heart instead of the size of our jeans.

– Court

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