love – Hot Mess Mom

{26} Life Lessons from Year {26}

This past year, or, half of a year has been such a year of learning. I have learned so much about myself, and what I want out of life. These are my favorite lessons from half of my 26th year.

1. Confidence has nothing to do with your body or your love of it. Confidence is knowing who you are, where you came from, where you are going, and what you have to offer the world…and then LOVING that.

2. You really can’t make everyone happy, all the time. In fact, the only person’s happiness you are responsible for is yours.

3. Be very careful how you are speaking to yourself. Those thoughts become your identity.

4. The less you expect of people, and of life, the happier you are.

5. Confident and happy people don’t tear other people down. They don’t need to.

6. Your thoughts are a very powerful thing. They determine your path in life. You have to make sure they are aligned with were you want to go in life.

7. Never…never never ever let a toddler run around without a diaper on…ever.

8. Prayer, coffee, exercise, and sleep are the best cures for anything.

9. It’s better to pound your feelings into the pavement, during a run, than it is to eat your feelings. You future self will thank you…so will your hips.

10.”You should never miss a good opportunity to shut up” I’m still working on that one! ha!

11. The arms of a child, wrapped around your neck, will make everything right in the world.

12. If you have children, your house will never really be clean.

13. Marriage after a baby is hard. Marriage after a baby is very important. The baby will grow up and have their own life. Your life is WITH your SPOUSE. Make sure you are contributing to it daily

14. “If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account” Ah so true!

15. “Comparison is the thief of joy”…it really is.

16. “Think about your blessings more than you think about your burdens” your outlook on life will be so much brighter!

17. If your life doesn’t end up the way you want it to, the only person to blame is yourself.

18. Bad things happen in life because Satan exists. Bad things don’t come from God. We need to stop blaming God when bad things happen.

19. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you. They will only lift you higher.

20. Days that begin with runs are the BEST days!

21. You can’t control what people say about you, you CAN control how you react.

22. Being “right” is not all that it’s cracked up to be.

23. Slow and steady is the best way to begin a race. For reals.

24. You are so much stronger than you think.

25. Being a mom is the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. Hats off to all the single mommas out there…you rock! …and single dad’s too!

26. Be HAPPY. Be POSITIVE. GO for your dreams! Invest in yourself. Invest in others. LOVE LIFE!

– Court

{I’m a fan}

Last night we started our new study in life-group called “Not a Fan”. The premise of the study is: are you a fan or a follower? First, you have to define a fan and a follower to determine which category you fall into. Webster defines a follower as: “one that follows the opinions and teachings of another”. Another definition from Webster is: “one that imitates another”. The definition of a “fan” as Webster defines is “an enthusiastic devotee usually as a spectator. It is also defined as an “ardent admirer or enthusiast.”

This was such an eye-opening hit to the ego. If I am being honest, completely totally honest, I am a fan. I don’t follow every teaching of Jesus. I follow his teachings when they fit into my day, life, or situation. I follow him when it’s easy for me. As for the second definition…I definitely don’t imitate Jesus. Is being a “fan” enough to get me to Heaven? Maybe… but then there’s also a chance that Revelation 3:16 may just apply to me. It says: “So, because you are lukewarm neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” That is nothing short of terrifying. I could live my entire life going to church, applying the Bible to some parts of my life, praying when I need something, before meals, at church, and at night and still God could say to me at the end of my life “Depart from me I never knew you”. Matthew 7:21-23

So, what does it mean to be a follower. I think a follower, a true follower, is someone who earnestly follows Jesus and his teachings at all times. Not just when they feel like it. The bottom line is that if I want to follow Jesus, if I want to honestly know him, I have to die to myself and this world…daily. I have to take up my cross and follow him Matthew 16:24. He commands us to love him with all of our heart, our mind, our strength, and our soul. He also commands us to love our neighbor as our self. He commands us to do that. Nowhere does it say: “when you are feeling good and things are going your way love me with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength. It doesn’t say: “love your neighbor as yourself when they are treating you well”. Oh, I wish it said those things. Because then…I would be categorized as a “follower”.

I was listening to the amazing T.D. Jakes this morning. He was preaching on love and God’s commandment of love. He commands us to love. Bishop Jakes illustrated that God wouldn’t command us to do something if we didn’t have the ability. He wouldn’t command us to transform into an animal, for example, because we don’t have that ability. But, since he did command us to love him and our neighbor, we must possess that ability. Which means that our excuses for not doing that don’t hold up. That’s some more bad news.

Not only should we do these things, we must to do these things, if we truly want to be a follower of Jesus. Those are some difficult commands.

To me, all of this means that I have to search God’s word and learn all that I can about Jesus. I have to understand his teachings and let them make an imprint on my heart. It means, that I have to learn to control my mind. It means that I have to fight my flesh daily. I have to bite my tongue, give up on winning every argument, I have to stop being lazy and complacent, I have to turn the other cheek, I have to love God more than I love myself and fight all of my earthly desires. I have to die to myself daily.

It’s a tall order for sure. But I am certain that it is more than worth it. So this is day one on my quest to become a true follower of Jesus.

– Court

{Straight from my heart}

This one has been a long time coming. This blog has been torn straight from my heart…straight from my soul. I love to write and I write about semi-personal things. However, I have had this story on my heart since the day I started this blog. Now, now is the time.

As many of you may know our family has been through some rocky times. When I was in eighth grade my mom started getting sick. She and my dad visited the Mayo Clinic multiple times to figure out what was wrong with no luck. After numerous hospital visits, tests, possible diagnoses, and doctors she was diagnosed with something called NASH (non-alcoholic steato hepatitis). Which basically meant her liver was failing and for no apparent reason. She had none of the characteristics that a person typically diagnosed with this has. She had to stop teaching and was basically confined to our house and bed my whole high school career.

She suffered. We suffered. It was the single hardest thing I have ever faced. There were many times I questioned why my mom? Why us? What did we do? We had always went to church. We had always believed and trusted in God. So…why was this happening? My parents did a pretty good job of keeping my little sister and I sheltered from the worst of it. But sometimes, we peeked through the cracks and we saw the worst. In those times of weakness, sadness, worry, doubt, and death, HE was there.

He was there every time I saw my dad open his Bible to read. He was there in my Aunt’s unwavering faith. He was there when my mom and aunt habitually took the Lord’s supper. He was there in the form of a man that would end up being my husband. He was there in my grandmother’s prayers and my sisters’ tears. He was there in my mom’s strength. He was there when bills were paid. He was there in each meal or card we received. I remember finding verses on healing in the Bible and posting them all over our house. On the doors, in my mom’s room and her bathroom…everywhere. I would declare and pray the verses aloud every time I saw them. He was very much there.

She spent many many nights in the hospital. She was on a list to receive a transplant. She was called once around Christmas. However, she was too sick to undergo the transplant. We kept praying and believing…even when it looked impossible.

This picture is from Hoop Queen the January before she received her transplant. She had just had a liver biopsy (if I remember correctly) and was sent home with a pain patch. JUST so she could watch my sister and I walk for Hoop Queen. She was in so much pain. She was so strong.

If my mom ever reads this I will be in SO much trouble for sharing this picture. She hates it. So do I. It tears at my heart each time I see it. Our storm…her storm looked impossible that night. I was afraid I was losing my mom and I was afraid I was losing her quickly.Fast forward to May and we got THE CALL. The one that meant she would be saved. This hell was over. We packed up and left in the middle of the night to drive to St. Louis. I still remember stopping at the gas station with Trey, Shelley, and Ciara. I remember being so excited, nervous, scared, and thankful. I remember the song that played over the speakers outside the gas station “everything is going to be alright…rock a bye”. I felt like that was God calming my fears. We all thought it was our happily ever after.Fast forward a few hours. My mom has been prepped for surgery and is waiting to go in. We get a call. Its a NO GO. The liver from the donor is BAD. I cannot remember a time I have been more angry at God. I was so heartbroken. I remember thinking “really? Is this a joke to you? Do you think this is funny?” So back we went to the “normal” we knew. I remember her…she was so strong. She was so positive and HER faith was astonishing. Mine, mine was diminishing by the second.

Three months later we receive another call…at night (because for some reason these things don’t happen during the day). It was my dad’s birthday. I called my boyfriend (my hubs now) he was in Detroit interning at General Motors. He told me he would be on the first flight he could catch. I remember walking downstairs cautiously excited. My dad was in the living room getting things organized. I remember asking him “how do you know this is going to work? it will probably be bad again!” His reply, I will remember all my life…”Let’s pray”. Right there, in the middle of our living room, my little sister and I joined hands with my parents as my dad led us in the most powerful prayer I have ever heard. A few hours later…well a lot of hours later, my mom had a new liver.

The day my mom came home with her new liver. HIS grace is sufficient.

I told you all of that to tell you this. No matter what your storm is, God is BIGGER. I have been struggling with some things. I have been struggling with personal, little, everyday things. I haven’t been able to shake them,no matter what I do. Tonight at church we sang Cornerstone. The part that spoke to me is this:Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Savior’s love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of allAnd then he spoke to my heart. He asked me why I trusted him with my mom but I couldn’t trust him with my own personal struggles. Why do I keep picking up those struggles up seconds after laying them at his feet? Then I thought about the lyrics…Through the storm HE IS LORD.

He is the God who made the Universe. He is the God who hung the stars. He is the God who knew us before we were born. So, why can’t I trust this awesome God with something so small? Because, instead of letting go and letting God, I tried to control the problem. You see, with my mom, I had no control. I HAD to give it to him. With big things in my life I have no control. But with little things I think I have control. In my own arrogance I decide to help God.

God doesn’t need our help. Whatever you are going through…know that our God’s grace is sufficient. If he can hang stars and form the mountains and heal my mom, he can take care of whatever you are facing. Let go, and Let God.

My sweet Jesus healed my mom. I am SO thankful he did. Because without his perfect blood, I wouldn’t have these moments.

– Court

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