Tag: marriage

{Quarter life crisis}

Christmas 2012 222

  I have come to the very sad conclusion that I am in the middle of a quarter(ish) life crisis. I never really believed in those until, well…now. My actual quarter of life was last year, but I guess I am a late bloomer. When I was little, I always heard adults talking about how “time flies”. They would make comments about how they couldn’t believe how this child or that child had “grown up before their eyes”. I would just smile politely all the while thinking “whatever…” Now, I understand. Time flies. In school it was slow…it was painfully slow. College was also painfully slow. Then it was like I got put on a fifteen second roller coaster. We wanted to start a family…bam I am pregnant. Then just like that… bam our baby is here. Now, he is almost eight months old. EIGHT MONTHS OLD. Which means that in a few short months he will be one year old. Then, I might as well start packing up his stuff for college. I feel like it was yesterday I found out I was pregnant. But it wasn’t yesterday…it was, in fact, 16 months ago. I went to peak in on my little baby tonight, instead I found this not so little baby sleeping in the very top corner of his crib, as if he passed out while trying to escape. I knew he was growing up, but seeing him pulling up on everything today, really pushed me over the edge.

I also turned twenty-six this year. Yep…you read that correctly 26. FOUR years away from….you know…don’t make me say it. How is that possible? For some strange reason, twenty-five did not bother me. Twenty-six bothers me a lot. So much so, that I gave my father strict instructions that my birthday cake was to say 25, not 26. This past August, we celebrated my grandma’s 90th birthday.

That brought on a whole new wave of emotions. No, not the “oh, she sure is growing up” emotions like my little man…but the “how many more birthdays will I get to celebrate with her?” emotions. My husband will be 30 in August. For those of you past 30…don’t hate on me for this blog. I’m sure you had similar emotions as you were nearing this dreaded age. I just cannot understand how I am this old. I am totally and completely getting old. I am thinking adult thoughts, I am worrying about adult things, I am saying and doing things my mother did/does, I don’t even know what is considered “cool” anymore, and after owning an iPhone for almost four years I still don’t know how to use all of the features, and I have now started to use wrinkle creams. Because…I figure I better get a head start on it now!
Where does life go? Why did it seem so slow when I was younger? Why am I so nostalgic about everything? I can’t walk into my little guy’s nursery without flashbacks of us decorating it. I can’t drive by the hospital without thinking about the last time we were there. I can’t shake the feeling that I need to call my grandma at least once a week because if I don’t I might regret it later. I know what you are thinking…”that’s life honey…just enjoy each moment.” At least, that’s what my husband told me as I was sobbing into his chest earlier.  That is hard for me to accept. Because, I am the girl who has always enjoyed every moment. I am the one who saves voice mails, cards, movie ticket stubs, and even boarding passes. I think I have taken a picture of my little man every single day of his life. I savor every second and document every moment. Still, life flies by. Is motherhood just a huge emotional ball of nostalgia and worry? If so, I don’t ever remember signing up for that.
I guess there is nothing I can do to slow it down. I will have to keep savoring and documenting. I will continue to hold on to each moment until my knuckles turn white. I will replay every sweet memory in my head and my dreams until a new one happens. I will continue to wish and pray that time would slow down even just a bit. If that doesn’t work, I guess I will have to just thank God that I have a life so blessed that I wish it would slow down.

– Court

{My Guy}

Picture

“Everyone has a love story, ours is my favorite” Let me take a minute and tell you about my guy. After almost six years of marriage, I really thought we had this marriage thing figured out. I didn’t understand how couples had relationship/marital problems. Our marriage had always been so easy. I heard somewhere “real marriage doesn’t begin until you have a baby”. This.Is.So.True.
Ohmygosh! Unlike a lot those lucky couples, we were not prepared to bring a baby home (mentally speaking). Our house was perfectly clean, nursery was picture perfect, diapers were stocked, and of course we had taken a four-week course entitled childbirth. We really thought we had this down. All that we lacked was that perfect quiet baby… ha! What we hadn’t taken, was a four-week course entitled how to survive. They really should add that one. seriously, …they should!
We sent my mom home with my dad…we didn’t need her because we so had this covered. Little did we know, we would be calling her to come back just a few days later.
My little man had his days and nights mixed up, wouldn’t sleep in his bassinet, cried a lot, had reflux, and I had the mastitis. I learned very quickly that we didn’t have this thing figured out….not even close. How were we supposed to survive? Didn’t this kid know we needed sleep? Oh, how you come to appreciate even twenty minutes of sleep. What this taught me, is how very much my husband loves me.
I was awful ( I might elaborate in a future blog…if I am feeling brave). I cried a lot, especially, that first night. The picture I had in my head, you know, the one of the sleeping beautiful newborn wrapped up in their bassinet? The one where the mom and dad are all snuggled up watching him? Where they talk about how in love they are? um…ours didn’t look like that. Mine looked like a crying mama, a crying baby, no sleep, haven’t showered in days, house a mess, and a rock of a husband. Yes, he was also a bit sleep deprived, but I didn’t see it.
He took our baby and fed him, rocked him, walked with him. He slept with him on his chest. He encouraged me daily. He told me how beautiful I was (in my haven’t showered in days, just gave birth, gigantic ta-tas body). He told me how great of a mom I was (even with a screaming baby), he kissed me and held me (when I wasn’t kissable or holdable). He went to every appointment (in fact, he hasn’t missed an appointment. yet! and that includes every single prenatal appointment). He let me sleep when he needed sleep desperately. He searched high and low for things to do to brighten my day…to make my day easier. He brightened my day when I was crying, and sad. He did it when I felt incomplete and worthless. He did it when I looked awful and felt awful. He did it when I needed it most. He loves me more than I can ever comprehend. How did I deserve this man? I don’t. I will never deserve him.  I am so thankful for him.
That girls….that is a love story.

– Court